A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag. "Hmmm, you look ok to me, said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows. Come back and see me in a couple of days." The little paper bag felt no better when he went back for the results. "What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag. "I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor. "No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper bag. "Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor. "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?" asked the doctor. "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?" queried the doctor. "No, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?" "NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!" "Then there can be only one explanation," said the doctor..... "Your mother must have been a carrier.
Tim Vine – “Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes” Joan Rivers – “All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.” Woody Allen – “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.” Ken Dodd – “I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.” Bob Monkhouse – “I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.” Jo Brand – "The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife." Milton Jones – “I was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage. Ha ha, I thought, you can hide but you can’t run.” Ross Noble – “How come Miss Universe is only ever won by people from Earth?” Jimmy Carr – “A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘Alright, but we won’t get much done.” Sarah Millican – "I saw a pair of knickers today – on the front it said, 'I would do anything for love' and on the back it said 'but I won't do that.'" Tommy Cooper – "Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off." Jack Whitehall – “I'm sure wherever my father is, he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
My wife came into the living room screaming that there was a spider in the bath and would I kill it, well me and the spider got chatting so instead of killing him we went out to the pub for a drink , he was a really cool and interesting spider,he’s at university and wants to be a web designer
Bloody Amazon black Friday! Ordered four kindles and they've sent me a "best of two Ronnie's" DVD....
I've just bought a sat-nav with a wild west theme, i tried it out for the first time today in south London. it gave me a route in tooting in good time..
God gave man a penis and a brain, but unfortunately, not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I got a Mr.T one. Pretty good, but you’re screwed if you try going near an airport. A mate had a Bonnie Tyler one. Just kept telling him to turn around.
You have no idea. It’s a fulfilment of many years spent posting on multiple Internet forums, just waiting for my moment to shine. Today, it happened. Good times.
