I was stopped by the police at 2 am and was asked where I was going at that time of night. I replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer did not look impressed and asked, "Really sir? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" I replied "That would be my wife."
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Cranbourne courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached the side of his car. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.' Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .. 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: A pumpkin? No!... Is it midnight already?' The court (and the judge) could not contain their mirth. The Cranbourne Express wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back line ever
police man pulls over a car , said to the man do u no u have a light out , ah why whats it got to do with u , the police man said u are breaking the law u need to fix it , man replies u bloody fix it the police man said u seem a bit aggressive the man wife sitting beside him leans over and says AH BECOMES LIKE THAT WHEN HE S HAD 8 9 PINTS YE NO LOL owen nw
